Karolina Dean

 

So according to some lovely people who commented on my last blorg naming no names cough cough TABITHA BESLEY, I am "hilarious and good".  This was not true that one time I walked into the school library to discover that they had ordered the first six volumes of Brian K Vaughan's Runaways and promptly broke down in tears.  Hilarious and good people do not do that.  People who are pathetically overinvested in a bunch of fictional teenagers do that, and those kind of people are generally not hilarious and good.

 

No, really, this is a true story.  I actually cried over a comic book.  And not the kind of crying everyone does when they're reading V for Vendetta and Evie finds Valerie's letter, because that kind of crying is totally justifiable, everyone does that kind of crying, it's like crying over the ending of the Notebook or whatever.  I walked into the library.  I saw the book.  I started crying.

I am totally rugged and manly, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

 

The basic premise of Runaways is this: six kids living in Los Angeles find out that their parents are all part of a supervillain crime syndicate called the Pride, and so they run away.  They discover their superheroic abilities, which include high-tech gadgets, intense strength, and telepathic communication with a time-traveling dinosaur (!!!), and decide to stop their parents taking over the world, or whatever it is supervillain crime syndicates do.

 

One of these kids is a typically blond-haired, blue-eyed California girl named Karolina Dean.  Karolina Dean doesn't have technology, or muscles, or a velociraptor.  Karolina Dean is an alien, and part of her alien form is that she radiates rainbows.

 

That's right.  Karolina Dean is so gay she radiates rainbows.

 

She's also a vegetarian, a humanitarian, an actor, a Beatles fan, and an adorable hair-flipping O-M-G-ing Beverly Hills teenager.  I imagine her having an annoying valley girl accent, only, you know, not annoying, because she is gorgeous and I would be too preoccupied with her face to think her accent was annoying.

 

(Also I don't actually want to discriminate.  I'm sure people with valley girl accents are very nice, I just like to, like, make fun of their, like, voices, because, like, it's just, like, so, totally cute, oh em gee!)

 

Anyway.  Karolina Dean is that girl you see everywhere at your school, but admire only from afar, because she just seems much too good for you.  And not in the way that she herself thinks she's too good for you, but in the way that she is actually way too perfect for her own good.  I'm sure you know the type.  At my old school, that girl's name rhymed with "chef," and she was so nice and so smart and so good at everything ever and sometimes I just wanted to kick her in the face with the force of my crush.

 

I didn't actually want to kick her in the face.

 

I don't want to kick Karolina Dean in the face, either.  She gets a gorgeous storyline with her gender variant alien betrothed, Xavin, who, as a shape-changing Skrull, has a different view on gender than most of the human race, and switches between being physically male, female, and alien (and who knows what kind of anatomy Skrulls have, right?) throughout the series.

 

 

See?  Adorable.

 

Apologies for the inferior blorgpost this time around.  Next time is gonna be extra super awesome to make up for it.  Until next time, true believers.  Excelsior!

Posted by Editor on 10/12 at 12:12pm
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