Self Discovery

Queer 101

Thu, 27 Oct 2011 03:16 GMT

What does it mean to be Intersex?

Thu, 19 May 2011 23:06 GMT

Intersex is general term that some of us use when our reproductive or sexual anatomy doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of male or female.

For example, we might be born appearing to be female on the outside, but having mostly male-typical anatomy on the inside. Or we may be born with genitals that seem to be in-between the usual male and female types. Or, we may be born with a mix of genetics, so that some cells have XX chromosomes and some of them have XY.

Intersex is a socially constructed term used by medical systems when they can’t neatly categorise people. In every day life, all of our bodies are different and unique.

What does Trans Mean to You?

Thu, 19 May 2011 22:55 GMT

Trans is an umbrella term that we can use as a way of expressing our selves, a way of describing our gender, or an identity (knowing who you are) that doesn’t fit society’s rules about women and men. Trans can include:
• people who identify as having more than one gender
• people who identify as gender-neutral
• people who don’t identify with any gender labels
• people whose gender identity doesn’t match their body (e.g., those of us with a male body who identify as a girl)
• people who have changed their bodies to better match their gender identity (e.g., those of us born female who uses hormones/surgery to make their body look more masculine)
• men who like to wear women’s clothes, and women who like to wearmen’s clothes
• anyone else who feels the word “trans” fits for them

Below is a list of definitions relating to trans identities, that the human rights commission came up with in their report: “To Be Who I Am”

Trans People - People who refer to themselves, among other terms, as transsexual, male-to-female, female-to-male, transgender, whakawahine, fa’afafine or tangata ira tane.

Transgender – A person whose gender identity is different from their physical sex at birth.

Transsexual - A person who has changed, or is in the process of changing, their physical sex to conform to their gender identity.

FtM/trans man – Female to Male – someone born with a female body who has a male gender identity.

MtF/trans woman – Male to Female – someone born with a male body who has a female gender identity.

Fa’afafine, Fakaleiti, Akava’ine, Mahu, Vaka sa lewa lewa, Rae rae, Fafafine – Pasifika terms describing someone born with a male body who does not have a male gender identity and often, but not always, lives as a woman. These terms are best understood within their cultural context.

Whakawahine – a Maori term describing someone born with a male body who has a female gender identity.

Tangata ira tane – a Maori term describing someone born with a female body who has a male gender identity.

How do you describe your Gender Identity?

Thu, 19 May 2011 22:03 GMT

Gender identity is our built-in sense of our gender as opposed to simply what our physical body suggests. Many things contribute to our emerging gender identity including society, whānau and factors that are set before birth just like with our sexual orientation.

There are heaps of different words that people use to describe their gender: boy, girl, man, woman, butch, femme, androgynous, genderqueer, intersex, boi, grrl, bigendered, fa’afafine, third gender, two-spirit, trans, pangender, tangata ira tane, mahu, vakasalewalew, sister girl, akava’ine, fakaleiti, leiti, fakafifine, and the list goes on!

Urgent Help

Sun, 11 Jul 2010 08:10 GMT

Talk to someone right now

Youthline

You can call and TXT Youthline to discuss any concern you may have.

Helpline: 0800 37 66 33 (free phone from landline)

Txt: 234 (free)

Email and MSN: talk@youthline.co.nz

Web: http://www.youthline.co.nz

OUTline NZ

OUTline is New Zealand's only dedicated phone line for queer issues.

0800 OUTLINE (688 5463)
or (09) 309 3268

Weekdays: 10 am - 9 pm
Weekends and holidays: 6 pm - 9 pm

Find a Group

Sun, 11 Jul 2010 07:57 GMT

Find a Group

How did you come out to your parents?

Sun, 23 May 2010 04:09 GMT

There is no one way to tell mum and/or dad and only you know the best way and the best time to do it. But this is the place to share and read stories from others who have already done it.

How did you come out to people?

Sat, 15 May 2010 03:52 GMT

There's no one way to come out of the closet. Below are a couple of suggestions and some of the stories others have shared about how they told people. If you have told anyone, tell us about how you did it and what happened.

Drop hints

We start giving out hints - sounding out people's attitudes, asking them if they've got any queer friends, perhaps loaning them a good book that we've just read with a gay story line. Often then they will guess, and think about it, before we get to tell them.

Respond honestly

Another way of telling friends is when we're asked questions like "when are you going to get a girlfriend/boyfriend." If it's someone you feel you can trust you can say, "No, I don't." If they ask, "Why?" and you feel now is the moment, then say that it's because you're gay/lesbian or whatever term you identify with.

Friends

Sat, 15 May 2010 03:28 GMT

Deciding who to tell and when is something only you can know about. Of course, it's going to be more difficult telling some people than others. Just use your common sense.

Are you worried about some of your 'straight' friends?

You don't want them to freak out and just walk out on you. But you'd like to be able to talk to them about the things your really feel. So when you tell them, make them think about it. How they take it is really their worry. They may need a bit of time to get used to the idea, but if they're any friends at all, they'll stick with you, and they will think about it.

If they stop being friends with you because of your sexuality or gender identity, it'll either be annoying or upsetting - but either way at least you'll know that they're wrong. Eventually they're going to have to get their heads sorted out. You're not the only lezzo, poofter or tranny they're going to meet.

Is it safe?

Sometimes, you're right. It would be safer to shut up about it. If you think someone could harass, bully or assault you for saying you're queer, why shouldn't you be careful? But there's no reason why we should have to run away or hide because of who we are.

Tips for dealing with grieving parents

Fri, 14 May 2010 08:16 GMT

If you decide to tell your parents, or if they find out and they react badly, this could be because they are suddenly confronted with what feels like a threat to all the plans and hopes they ever had for you. Plans such as getting married and having a family of your own. For some parents this could create a sense of hopelessness or a lack of control which triggers a deeply reactive flight (ignore) or fight response.

If this happens you have two choices

Try to stay cool and talk about it with them; OR
Try to stay cool and go to an adult you trust such as a relative or family friend.

But never let your parents - or anyone else - make you feel ashamed about who you are. Don't fit in. Stand out!